Don’t Need Me Anymore?

I usually refrained from making personal posts on this blog. I meant it as a place where I could share something which was of practical use to someone in some far corner of the world from mine; something that I had worked out and someone else was stuck with; something that contributed to the common pool of knowledge; computers, books, games, education…

But somehow, the circumstances have turned so, that I’m left with nobody but these mute words on this screen, where to express myself.

What do you do when someone tells you that she needed me in the past, but is trying not to need me anymore; to do without me in the future. Someone who has been more important to me than anybody else, in the past 3 years.

I have been bad, but I’ve also been good. I’ve been nice, caring and loyal, and I’ve been cruel, brutal and vengeful. Which of the two set of actions count more? Does being ‘bad’ wipe out my good slate? Is it that simple? I’m not perfect; neither is she.

Is estrangement the solution to disagreements, arguments (even vicious ones) and difference in opinions? Or was our difference between us was so fundamental that it went to the core? Then how did we spend some great times together? We are not two teenagers with raging hormones that sustained us for 3 years.

And if she doesn’t care for me and wants to adapt to life without me, then why am I so weak to clutch on to her, when she has made things perfectly clear without a shade of ambiguity, two months back?

Why?

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